My Life a Movie?

Today I was thinking about how much I love my life. I have a great family, great friends, a great church, a lot of freedom to be creative, and a lot of opportunity to experience some cool things .

A guy told me the other day I live a charmed life—like in the movies. Ha. I am pretty thankful for what I have and what I’ve experienced but . . . charmed? Movies? I think he was just jealous that Sheryl Crow sang 5 feet from us the other night. I’d be jealous of me if I were he too.

Then I got to thinking . . . if my life were a movie, what things would I want to experience? If I could be assured no one get hurt, I wouldn’t get caught, Jesus would still be smiling, and I would still have a good reputation these are some of the things I’d like to try.

P.S. This is not a morality debate. This is the movies.

1. Impersonate a high-profile politician and gain access to a party.
2. Tell a guy or gal at the airport holding up a sign with someone’s name on it that I am that person they are waiting to pick up. Then, get in the limo and be taken to that person’s destination.
3. Hang from the bottom of a helicopter—either on the landing gear or by a cable/rope.
4. Diffuse a bomb with seconds to spare. I want to be the guy who chooses the right wire. However, I don’t want to feel in danger at any time so it probably will never happen.
5. Lift a fingerprint from a wine glass and use it to access a classified room at one of those secret password fingerprint scan thingies they have outside of the door.
6. Jump from a building while holding on to someone and land on one of those airbags or better yet, be caught by one of those round thingies the firemen all hold on to.
7. Run someone off the road I don’t like. You know you want to do it too.
8. Throw things out the rear double-doors of a moving truck at the cars behind us as they swerve.
9. Chase someone through the streets of New York (or other cool city) through subway stations, parks, grocery stores, restaurant kitchens, etc.
10. Push someone over while running.
11. Go out into a traffic-filled street and halt cars while jumping over taxi hoods.
12. Drive my car down a staircase in a crowded area.
13. Commandeer a vehicle by pulling the driver out of his car by the collar. Apologize quickly. Say, “thanks, man. Sorry, I need this.”
14. Have a stranger buy me a beer/bottle of wine/meal and just give me that two-fingered salute from across the room.
15. Meet my twin brother I never knew I had, put two and two together, pretend to be the other for a day. Except, I draw the line at any contact he may want with my wife. Otherwise, he may be on the receiving end of #7.
16. Meet an extra-terrestrial and prove to everyone they mean no harm.
17. Be called upon to solve a major crisis involving multiple countries where only I possess the knowledge to bring about a peaceful ending. I want the guys with suits and black glasses to show up at my door, say my name, flash their government badges, and say, “we need you to come with us.”
18. I want to be the guy standing behind someone when they actually say, “He’s standing right behind me, isn’t he?” I want whatever I overhear to be really, really worth it. I do not want to waste this moment.
19. Pick up the wrong suitcase. Have that suitcase be filled with money.
20. Redirect the traffic patterns by messing with the stoplights from my laptop so my buddy can take the route he needs to get to wherever he needs to go.
21. Go into a building in one outfit. Change. Exit building in a new outfit/disguise.
22. Tell a cabbie, “you wait right here.” Hand him a wad of cash. Do what I need to do in a hurry. Come back and get in that cab.
23. Tell cabbie, “follow that car!” Have him drive at break-neck speeds to catch the car. I don’t know why we are chasing it. Doesn’t matter.
24. Drive the car that splashes that guy reading the paper on the street corner. Destroy man’s suit. Have man clean his glasses with his shirt and keep reading as if nothing happened.
25. Be the guy that walks into a courtroom right before a judgment and says, "not so fast" while everyone turns around and looks. Win the jury over. Walk away.

This is my Top 25. You have any you would like to share?

M. Night Flick is Happening

Today my son and I took a Father/Son trip to the movies to take in “The Happening.”

We are huge M. Night fans. We get angered by the critics of M.Night tearing his movies to shreds. Most critics believe he should stick to directing (which he kicks booty at) and stay away from screenwriting.

I believe these people will never be happy with M. Night. His biggest mistake was . . . he made the best scary movie of all time (The Sixth Sense) and every movie he has made after it is compared to it.

M. Night is king of preying on people’s paranoia. This is one of the things that make him so appealing. His plots lie just outside of “that could probably happen.” Until this movie.

The New Zealand Herald quoted M. Night as saying, "I think everybody's fear comes from the same place. That is the fear of being alone. Feeling alone. When you're a baby it's in your genetics. You wake up and you don't see anyone, you cry and comfort comes in the shape of your mother or father. As an adult, you get the job offer in Minnesota and you're scared that you're going to be alone, not physically, but emotionally. You won't relate to anyone, no one will be feeling what you're feeling, so you'll be isolated. You'll feel fear."

M. Night Shyamalan is one of the only original storytellers in Hollywood if you ask me. He almost seems to be driven by telling the story that has yet to be told. He doesn’t follow a template—at least not a template that has been imposed upon him by “what sells movies.”

M. Night is the Steve Jobs of Horror. Design and experience are key. Ignore the critics. Create suspense leading up to your product. Never give it all away. Keep them guessing.

How often do you find yourself going to the theatre to see a movie because you love the director? Because you love the brand? Shyamalan has created his own brand. He finds himself in the company of only a few directors who get us to drop 10 or 15 bucks because we are intrigued by “them.”

In one sense (no pun intended), I would think it would be a huge honor to have the kind of status where your product is judged based on the high expectations everyone has of your brand. In another sense, it’s a shame.

If Apple created crappy things half as cool as what they create, they would be slaughtered by critics but they would still make things twice as cool as the competition. If Disney opened another theme park right now, the critics would destroy them because nothing compares to Disney World/Land. But, their theme park would still bury any other theme park in existence.

This is M. Night’s fate.

When you see an M. Night movie do yourself a few favors : : :

• Don’t read the reviews
• Don’t “expect” a twist
• Enjoy the story
• Invest in the experience
• Don’t come with a preconceived notion of how it should play out

Coming to Alderaan

Genius.

My friend Scotty sent this to me the other day (I would link you to his blog but he doesn't seem to have one . . . yet).

Coming to America is a favorite and, being a Star Wars geek, I couldn't help but fall in love with this clip.

Possible Crystal Skull Ending

May 23rd is the big day. Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is coming. How do you think it will end?

Here are a few potential endings : : :

• Shia LaBeouf picks up Indi’s hat and puts it on as the theme song begins.

• Indi utters the words, “you did good . . . (pause) . . . son” to Shia LaBeouf

• Indi tosses his whip to LaBeouf and says something like “you may need this, kid.”

• Indiana Jones sacrifices himself for the greater good—leaving his hat and/or whip behind as a memorial (see #1)

• We learn Cate Blanchett is actually Bob Dylan.

• LaBeouf receives Tweet “@indi out.”
  

• Sean Connery cameo, "come home Jr."

• LaBeouf grabs indi's whip and says, "this belongs in a museum."

Any guesses?

(picture from IMDb)

A Few Trixies up Their Sleeves

I made so much fun of my friends when they geeked out over Transformers. "How could you get so fired up over a dumb cartoon turned movie?" I said. Transformers? You guys probably never had girlfriends growing up. How old were you when you first kissed a girl?

The tables have turned.

Those friends are all ten years younger than me.

Now, the shoe is on the other foot. I am the geek.

I grew up with Speed Racer. I had the merch. I watched it every day. And, yeah, I role played with the kids in the neighborhood. Mach 5 and Racer X were part of my vocab as a kid. I always thought Trixie would make the best girlfriend as a kid (and my wife wants helicopter lessons which I find hot).

Am I excited about this movie? Well, throw the Wachowski brothers into the mix (yes, I was and am a Matrix geek and even though they didn't direct V for Vendetta, they wrote that one and I was a fan as well) and I am sold out.

I cannot wait for this movie.

The Wachowski's will once again wow us with some "new" special effects for sure. After The Matrix movies, we saw "bullet time" and slow-mo roundhouse kicks show up in so many different movies and animated features it was unbelievable. The Matrix hat tip showed up in movies and TV from Kung Pow: Enter the Fist to Shrek to The Family Guy. This new movie will not disappoint with CG and lighting that look like the offspring of HD and 3D. Except the 3D actually looks 2D if you can follow my thinking. These guys have managed to make a live-action film look like a cartoon--but then again, not.

And I'm glad to know Matthew Fox (Racer X) had something to do while making us wait for new LOST episodes.

Here he comes
Here comes Speed Racer
He's a demon on wheels
He's a demon and he's gonna be chasin' after someone.

He's gainin' on you so you better look alive.
He's busy revvin' up a powerful Mach 5.

And when the odds are against him
And there's dangerous work to do
You bet your life Speed Racer
Will see it through.

Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer, Go!

He's off and flyin' as he guns the car around the track
He's jammin' down the pedal like he's never comin' back
Adventure's waitin' just ahead.

Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer
Go Speed Racer, Go!

I wonder if some cool band will cover the original theme song or they will rewrite it.

I wonder if Emile Hirsch will ever blink his eyes.

Again, can't wait.

The Heston laid to Restin'

Charlton Heston, the man, the myth, the legend, died on Saturday. He was 84. Dang.

For some reason the news made me a bit emotional—you know, tears and stuff.

Weird. Maybe because I am reminded of my own mortality. Maybe because I hate to see legends die. Maybe because I JUST watched Planet of the Apes the other day—as well as everyone else who watches those AMC shows. Maybe it’s the Valium they have me on for this virus. Maybe all of the above.

The guy was Ben-Hur for crying out loud! And, Moses!

Heston was often lampooned on SNL. Comedians loved to have fun with his distinct demeanor. He was easy to “make fun of” but you know they all loved him. No one can really dis the Heston.

Soylent Green was one of my favorites. Slow? Yes. Cheesy? Uh-huh. Cool? Indeed. Soylent Green is people baby, that’s all I’m sayin’.

Did you ever see “Soylent Red” done by the late Phil Hartman? Funny stuff.

He was a dude. Of the real dude variety. A man’s man. He was a master marksman and archer (Ted Nugent loved him). A spokesman/former president for the NRA and a former steel mill worker out of Chicago. Don't know that I always agree with NRA politics but I still love the Heston. (p.s. for a chuckle watch this Ted Nugent interview)

But, he also had a certain sensitivity that shined through. I always wanted The Heston to be my grandpa.

Green CineDaily reminds us : : :

It must be noted, of course, that during the final decades of his life, Heston effectively overshadowed his acting career with his off-camera activities as spokesman for the National Rifle Association and other conservative causes.... Indeed, many people - most people? - were so accustomed to thinking of him as a right-wing grey eminence that it was all too easy to forget that, as a younger man, Heston was active in the civil rights movement - he marched alongside Dr Martin Luther King (along with Marlon Brando, Harry Belafonte and Sidney Poitier) during the 1963 march on Washington, DC - and campaigned for such decidedly non-conservative Presidential candidates as Adlai Stevenson and John F Kennedy.

Manhattan online gossip mag Gawker began their post regarding his death, “Well, you can have his gun now.” At which, I tried not to laugh. (for those of you who are confused, the NRA famous bumper sticker “you can have my gun when you pry it from my cold dead fingers” should help clear things up. I might have been mad thinking they were dissing The Heston but the rest of the article was good.

He has some killer audio presentations you can download or purchase from various places like Amazon. His voice is so great. Heston reading the Bible? Awesome. Classic. On iTunes.

Nothing like hearing The Heston read Hemingway.

On days when I want to relax and take in some easy listening, nothing beats The Heston reading Plato, Aristotle, Kierkegaard, Sartre, or Nietzsche. Obviously joking on the “easy listening” part but then again, nothing makes Nietzsche more approachable than The Heston.

Funny, I have always had this dream of writing a book and having The Heston do my book on CD. Some sleepers would do well to have The Heston make them cool. And, some cool books would have been over the top with The Heston at the helm.

Just picture “Sex God” or “Traveling Mercies” being read by The Heston. Genius.

You will be missed, my friend.