Church Staffs and the Opposite Sex

Lately, I've received a few requests for Westwinds' policy on staff meeting with members of the opposite sex.

In the past few years, I have personally witnessed (people I know) nearly two-dozen marriages fall apart and/or bad things happen because of romances that begin in the workplace. I have been on staff in two places where marital affairs have happened with people on staff. I have had a half-dozen close friends confess affairs that began in the workplace or while on staff at a church or para-church organization.

It's a problem everywhere--not just the church. But, let's face it--we are in the people business. Caring for them. Listening to them. Spending time together. Planning together. Celebrating together. Close contact. It's a . . . ahem . . . "hotbed" of temptation and potential danger.

In the last 6 months, I have personally counseled 4 couples (not on our staff) whose marriages are in turmoil or ending because of relationships fostered between a spouse and an "old friend" on Facebook. Every one of them began "innocent." Two began when the people were starting conversations about Jesus.

Last month, a fellow pastor friend of mine had a musician in the church catch the worship pastor (a woman) having sex in the church nursery with one of the men musicians before corporate worship began that Sunday morning. I want to throw up as I type this.

Below is our policy. It might help you. At least start conversation. But, your church will not fix any problems based on a policy. Safeguarding comes with conversation, prayer, accountability, question asking, and NEVER allowing anyone to think they are beyond making bad choices.

The following guidelines are to be used for the staff of Westwinds when meeting/communicating with the opposite sex.

1. Please make arrangements to meet on site at the church if a meeting requires a one on one scenario.

2. If a one on one meeting occurs, make sure you meet in an area visible to everyone i.e. not behind closed doors.

3. If a quiet environment is deemed necessary, please meet in a space where the door can be cracked open OR the door has a window in it.

4. If a meeting MUST be arranged off-site, please take the following steps:
a. Let another staff member know the meeting is taking place
b. Call your spouse if married to make them aware of the meeting
c. Meet in a public space where there is a crowd—coffee shop, restaurant, etc.

5. If you find yourself trying to “bend the rules,” you may have a problem you want to make someone aware of and seek counsel.

6. The fist-bump and the side-hug are your friends. There should never be any full-on frontal hugs. We believe Jesus likes hugs. We also believe most men like them—a lot.

7. Be careful not to establish ongoing counseling relationships with anyone in a one on one scenario. Encourage meeting in threes. Even fours. Sometimes, we have seasons of ongoing counseling but be wise.

8. Facebook and Twitter and other social networking are wonderful tools for ministry and also carry a high degree of potential danger for relationships to bloom into something unhealthy. Be careful of direct messages and “secret” messages.

9. At any time, an accountable staff member should be able to read what you have written to anyone in an email, Facebook message, Twitter, etc. unless it is a private family matter. Be careful of your wording.

10. Be careful of gift giving. Appreciation is encouraged but the types of gifts you send communicate something. Make your spouse aware of any opposite sex gifts and, if possible, make a staff member aware of the gift.

11. Touching, laying on of hands, and praying are biblical. Touching! Laying on of hands! and preying are not. Don’t be an idiot. A general rule of thumb is this: If you like it, (in that special way) do not do it. Ask yourself if you would hold hands and pray with the ugly smelly person in the same way as the pretty yummy smelling one.

12. Your cell phone contact list should be shared with your spouse and possibly a staff member.

13. When traveling from one place to another, travel in groups when at all possible. In the rare circumstance where you need to travel alone with the opposite sex, let a staff member know and let your spouse know about the travel, duration, and destination. Trips that are out of Jackson are frowned upon. We are stopping just shy of saying trips out of Jackson are prohibited.

14. Never shall a staff member attend any meeting, conference, or gathering overnight with someone of the opposite sex unless they are married.

15. In a rare circumstance where a staff member is engaged to be married and is traveling out of town with their spouse-to-be for a Westwinds related event, separate sleeping arrangements must be made and communicated. This is not in an effort to be the sin police, but rather to minimize fallout that affects us all.

16. No counseling of the opposite sex is to ever happen alone at Westwinds. Ask a staff member to stay longer if need be. If you are left alone in the building, end or reschedule your meeting.

17. Be willing to fess-up to any mild crushes, infatuations, etc. with a trusted staff member. These things happen and should be dealt with. Confess and ask for accountability. Coriolis is always available to help you through these things.

18. When emailing the opposite sex (or any written communication) in regard to a serious, relational, or potentially volatile situation, please consider having a staff member or your spouse proofread the letter. Again, this is about full disclosure. Quick emails in regard to serving opportunities, scheduling, etc. are not the potential problem. Be more concerned with ongoing written counsel or communication of a nature that may leave room for infatuations to blossom.

19. Learn to communicate love and appreciation for someone in ways that include the whole group--everyone. For instance:
a. Constantly telling the opposite sex you love and appreciate them is not “bad” but it isn’t wise. “WE ALL love you and appreciate you” comes off WAY different.
b. Consider thanking someone’s spouse at the same time you thank him or her. “Dear “Madame X”, thank you so much for the time you spent cleaning the studios! We love your dedication! Please thank your husband “Guy who doesn’t know I sent this letter” for holding down the fort at home while you served here. You are both heroes!”
c. “Here is a gift card for you! I hope you and your wife enjoy a great night out on the town!” Sounds way better then, “Go buy yourself something nice. You deserve it!”

20. Be careful of compliments regarding others’ appearance. It is not inappropriate (necessarily) to tell someone they look nice or their new haircut is styling, but be careful of falling in to these patterns. Ask yourself, “do I say this in order to impress this person or get a response in return?”

21. Avoid talk of a playful yet “innocent” nature. “Now that is sexy!” or “Bow chicka wow, check YOU out!” sound funny and may even be hyperbole (or a way to tease) on your part but leave room for misinterpretation as well as establishing a comfort level with using words that are usually reserved for married couples.

22. Be careful and practice full accountable disclosure when working on long-term projects with the opposite sex. Projects have the ability to stir unhealthy feelings towards another. It is possible to enter a project completely innocent and serve in the name of Jesus and come out on the other side with an unhealthy attraction. This is also true of crisis situations.

23. Be careful of counseling those in broken relationships. Your love and compassionate ear will be foreign to them and feelings for you may develop. This will make you feel good about yourself and probably think more highly of yourself then you should.

Celebrity Pastor Restoration Part 2

This is Part 2 of a 2 part post.

Here are some concerns and things to think on:

It is not OUR job to restore fallen celebrities to positions of influence and/or ministry. It is their own community’s job. And privilege. We didn’t walk the road. We didn’t live the story. We don’t know the conversations. We aren’t the first line of accountability. Some would then say the big “C” church needs more stories of restoration. I say that’s not necessarily what we need. We need more stories of the process of restoration going well from within that person’s own living breathing church community. And, that person may have lost the privilege of ever serving in the same capacity again depending on many, many things you and I may never know about and don’t have to.

Likewise, it is not OUR job to make judgments as to whether or not someone is or has dealt with their shortcomings. Same as above. To expand a bit on the Twitter quote earlier, when the worldwide church encourages and applauds a fallen ministry leader’s return to power and influence outside of or in spite of the accountability and authority of that leader’s own church community, the “restoration” is about as effective as wiping a baby’s butt over the phone and saying, “all clean!”

If I come home from work and my children tell me a story of how mom disciplined them for doing something wrong, I am going to get a very one sided story. They might tell me how they were treated unfair. They might make excuses. How wrong would it be if I immediately took their side, removed the punishment and sent them on their way? How horrible would it be if I said to them, in mom’s earshot, that I disagree with her and she is being too hard on them?

What would that say to their mom, my wife about how much I trust her? What do I teach my children about process? What disservice do I do to the family unit? What do I communicate to my children about how I view mom’s role? What horrid lessons do I teach my children about consequence. This is not restoration. This is rebellion, misuse of power, mistrust, and manipulation by both me and my children. It is wrong.

On Paul and David . . . Paul was a murderer before he was a Christ follower and before he was a leader in the Christian church. David was a king who abused his power and was disciplined for it. He was a king, not a pastor. God and the prophet Nathan dealt with him. Bad things happened because of David’s sin. Family members died. He wasn’t allowed to build the temple. Different system. Different rules. Different accountability. P.S. David did not escape that accountability. This line of reasoning is dumb and inappropriate.

On accountability . . . Accountability doesn’t count with the ones who don’t know the whole story or the ones who would help you hide the bodies no matter what the story is.

On grace and forgiveness . . . our ability to forgive, love, and be gracious to any individual who has fallen are completely separate issues from restoring someone to a position of influence. The process of relational restoration, restoring someone’s personal and family dignity, getting or giving someone counsel, ensuring a fallen brother or sister has the wherewithal to earn an income outside of ministry, etc. are all wonderful responsibilities and privileges of that individual’s church community. We can and should forgive and be gracious.

Do our churches need to be better at forgiveness? Yes. Do we, on the whole, suck at loving people who have made bad choices. Pretty much. But, our general church of Jesus worldwide problem is an issue that should be treated separately and should not be confused with our role in the restoration of an individual who may have influenced us yet we have no relationship with.

Restoration happens in relationship.

Discuss.

Celebrity Pastor Restoration Part 1

Today I twittered, “Saying a fallen pastor is ready for influence in spite of the authority of the local church is like wiping a baby’s butt over the phone.” Many of you commented and wanted me to expand.

We are not immune to our leaders falling. Sex, money, power . . . they have the ability to corrupt and often do. None of us are immune. We are all “one giant confession of a respected leader” from falling to our own knees and having our world rocked. When our friends and leaders fall it often defines us in new ways.

Nothing is as sweet as restoration. Healing. Forgiveness. Grace. Where would we be without those things. We love to receive it. We need to give it.

Yet, I am increasingly puzzled and often angered by what happens with celebrity restoration. By “celebrity restoration” I am referring specifically to leaders of great influence and/or popularity being restored to their positions of influence (or similar positions)—as if nothing ever happened— in a short period of time— or over a longer time thanks to short term memories or the fear of conflict—not by the people they are in relationship with, but by the “fans” of that leader.

Did you catch that? I’m referring to us, the fans, the big “C” church, the church worldwide, looking at a leader we know nothing about and putting them back into a position of authority. Looking to them as experts. Buying their books. Hiring them at our churches. Having them speak as authorities and celebrities at our conferences. And doing all of this outside of the authority and accountability of their very own church—the one they let down.

Hear this: I am NOT saying fallen leaders lose their voice or become something less. I am NOT saying they can’t share their story. Here’s what I AM saying . . .

Scenario: A pastor of an influential church has a sexual failure or any major moral failure. He loses his job and his position of power and influence. Because his sin was so public and because so many of us in the church world observe the story, we begin to create our own narrative/mythology surrounding their fall. As such, given the limited and tainted details we receive, we arrive at conclusions such as, “they were treated unloving and/or unfair,” “why can’t we all get along?” or “sure they have faults, but don’t we all?” Typically, someone will throw into the conversation that, if we don’t “receive” them, we are hypocrites who wouldn’t even allow the Apostle Paul or King David to be on staff with us. Soon, because of their celebrity and because everyone wants the rest of the story, they are “restored” to a position of influence, often looking like victims and continuing in ministry of some kind. They get on the road telling the “story,” writing books, speaking and teaching, consulting and merchandising. Much of the time, they do so with little to no accountability or they say they are accountable to some yet, those people are not the ones they should be accountable to.

In these cases, I say it’s doo doo.

To be continued . . .

Punished "by" our Sin #5

I heard an angry sermon this week. One that painted God as a God that was owed a debt. And, this God, sat in heaven demanding that debt be paid. The implication was ultimately that Jesus was punished on the cross instead of us. He took the big spanking and God was pleased. He then said, Jesus, willingly took the spanking, the debt was paid, and now, we can be forgiven of the debt. The punisher’s thirst was quenched.

While this is not entirely “untrue” it raises a lot of questions for me. First of all, I don’t think the Bible simply teaches Jesus was punished by the Father—we’ll talk about that some other time.

The greater one is, if Jesus suffered willingly on my behalf and now I am forgiven i.e. saved from punishment, what impetus is there for me to live holy? Jesus had to die for something greater than just giving me a get out of jail free card. It MUST be more than a legal transaction.

This is the problem I always had with the theology that says I do something wrong, go tell someone about it, and say a few prayers so I can turn around and do it again. Then, if I don’t get it right, when I die I will have to suffer a little bit more before I move on or, in some circles, I am born all over to get it right in some other form.

I grew up with an after-life perspective. God forgives our debt which is good because I do a lot of bad crap and then one day, he’ll take me away from all the crappiness to live in a land of no crap. This mentality is not helpful. This does nothing for me to take on a new posture, a new way of living.

Our sin carries with it consequences an innate punishment. Part of fixing the furniture requires us to work hard. To fix what we jacked up.

Astronauts aboard the International Space Station hunkered down last week while waiting to find out if a piece of space junk would hit their temporary abode at about 20,000 mph. Experts estimate there are over 17,000 pieces of space junk 4 inches or greater, 20,000 in the 1-3 inch range, and 10’s of millions of smaller pieces floating around . . . out there.

Our lives are spent creating junk. And, often, being destroyed by it as it orbits back around and we say, “what the . . . ? Where did that come from?”

We create our own junk. Our own debt. Our own price to pay. Our own crap to dodge or . . . deal with.

I like Extreme Makeover, Home Edition. Here’s a family that is hurting from the effects of whatever. Let’s go in, fix what is broken, make new stuff, pay off the stuff they can’t pay for, give them some dignity, and love on them. Give them a fresh start. Give them freedom.

Debt is the opposite of freedom. When you are in debt, you have no freedom to do selfless things.

To fix the furniture.

To play your part.

To shadow God.

Punished "by" our Sin #4

We’ve been talking about sin as a monkey—you bring it home, it grows, it takes control, it busts stuff up, it hurts your family and flings poo. No one likes the effects of the full grown monkey. He must be snuffed out and stuff needs to be fixed.

God doesn’t punish us because we bring home the monkey. The punishment is the monkey. It will kill you. You brought that thing home. Now watch what happens.

God doesn’t wish the monkey on us or inflict us. He doesn’t taunt the monkey and get it to play mean tricks on us.

God says, I can protect you from the monkey. Follow me. Shadow me.

But, we disregard him. We refuse to shadow.

He doesn’t punish us so much FOR our sins as much as we step outside of His wisdom, counsel, guidance, love, and gracious protection.

Yes, there are passages in scripture that clearly represent God as pouring out his wrath. But take a close look at how it works. Again, God is not arbitrarily smashing people’s toys to somehow get back at them.

One of the key passages concerning God’s wrath can be found in Romans Chapter 1. Here it is from The Message:

18-23But God's angry displeasure erupts as acts of human mistrust and wrongdoing and lying accumulate, as people try to put a shroud over truth. But the basic reality of God is plain enough. Open your eyes and there it is! By taking a long and thoughtful look at what God has created, people have always been able to see what their eyes as such can't see: eternal power, for instance, and the mystery of his divine being. So nobody has a good excuse. What happened was this: People knew God perfectly well, but when they didn't treat him like God, refusing to worship him, they trivialized themselves into silliness and confusion so that there was neither sense nor direction left in their lives. They pretended to know it all, but were illiterate regarding life. They traded the glory of God who holds the whole world in his hands for cheap figurines you can buy at any roadside stand.

24-25So God said, in effect, "If that's what you want, that's what you get." It wasn't long before they were living in a pigpen, smeared with filth, filthy inside and out. And all this because they traded the true God for a fake god, and worshiped the god they made instead of the God who made them—the God we bless, the God who blesses us. Oh, yes!

26-27Worse followed. Refusing to know God, they soon didn't know how to be human either—women didn't know how to be women, men didn't know how to be men. Sexually confused, they abused and defiled one another, women with women, men with men—all lust, no love. And then they paid for it, oh, how they paid for it—emptied of God and love, godless and loveless wretches.

28-32Since they didn't bother to acknowledge God, God quit bothering them and let them run loose. And then all hell broke loose: rampant evil, grabbing and grasping, vicious backstabbing. They made life hell on earth with their envy, wanton killing, bickering, and cheating. Look at them: mean-spirited, venomous, fork-tongued God-bashers. Bullies, swaggerers, insufferable windbags! They keep inventing new ways of wrecking lives. They ditch their parents when they get in the way. Stupid, slimy, cruel, cold-blooded. And it's not as if they don't know better. They know perfectly well they're spitting in God's face. And they don't care—worse, they hand out prizes to those who do the worst things best!

We enslave ourselves and dig ourselves deeper in spiritual debt or emptiness when we refuse to shadow God. It’s a deep cancer.

Joel Green and Mark Baker have some great things to say on this in their book, Recovering the Scandal of the Cross.

“It doesn’t mean that our behavior is irrelevant, simply that the way to fix our relationship with God doesn’t involve behavior modification as much as it involves complete submission and surrender.”

It’s easy to imagine someone who does none of the really bad things on a list in scripture (say, one of the Pauline lists) and still has no relationship with him.

Punished "by" our Sin #3

So, sin, in the Bible, includes the idea of disobedience to God for sure but it is not a complete picture of sin to think in terms of “being right with God or being saved means I do something bad, ask for forgiveness, God grants it, I’m safe.”

The problem of sin is bigger than your individual disobedience—although that is part of it. God’s plan is not to get it through your thick head to “stop disobeying” as much as he is looking for complete surrender of individuals, communities, cities, families, systems and he is looking to repair and set those things right.

When we set up guidelines for our children, it is because we love them, want the best for them, and know the end result.

When I send my son off to a party, we have a little unspoken language between one another where I remind him about the things the stay away from and the proper way to treat ladies. He knows the “rules.”

His keeping the rules does not get him extra privileges. He doesn’t come home and tell me all the good things he did so I will pat him on the back.

And, if he broke those rules, they would all have their own consequences far greater than things I cook up to punish him. And, it’s not my goal to make him pay for any crime. It IS my goal to help him understand what it looks like to have a life free of the burdens of the effects of sin that enables you to be the light of God in the world and love on people without being self consumed with your own disorientations.

I try to protect him from those repercussions.

My daughter used to hate wearing shoes outside. However, I would always tell her to wear her shoes and quit running around barefoot because she was going to hurt herself. Sure enough, on a number of occasions, I would catch her with her shoes off outside.

She always had an excuse.

I was on the grass.

We swept the street first.

I wasn’t really “running.”

And, EVERY TIME she would hurt herself. Of course, each time she would come crying to me to stop the bleeding. Then, the next time, she would think I was trying to rob her of her joy by making her put her shoes on.

Her “punishment” is pain, bleeding, not being able to walk the next day . . . the very things I am trying to protect her from.

(P.S. One of the greatest things now, with an adult child, is getting a call saying, “Thank you for teaching me _________ daddy.”)

Now, do I think God disciplines in a way that causes me pain to keep me from some greater pain? Heck, yeah. I don’t put that past him. That’s good fathering. That’s love.

But, God does not simply (as my good friend David says) “blind reward for virtue or blind punish for vice. He is motivated to set things right in the world. His activity is not designed simply to ‘remove sin’ but to bring completion to all creation. He is determined to do this through his people.”

The Bible doesn’t really support the idea of an arbitrarily angry, lightning bolt wielding, God who needs us to debase ourselves before He’ll stoop to dialogue.

One by one, every story of rebellion in scripture shows us that sin or “our sins” do not push God away. He is a relentless pursuer.

He does pronounce judgment, but the judgment is inherent in the fallout.

Punished "by" our Sin #2

We like to focus on particular sins.

• If I stop doing “this thing” I will be cool with God.
• If I do “this thing” I better pray afterward so I will be forgiven and God won’t smack me.

If you’ve ever seen The Sound of Music, you probably remember the song where Maria sings, “somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something good.” This song is her way of explaining how she’s ending up with the newly repentant and kind Christopher Plummer who has come to his senses and swept her off her feet.

What’s inherent in the song is the other side of this erroneous theology. She just as well could have sung a different song if she had been captured by Nazi’s and forced to marry Colonel Klink. “Somewhere in my youth or childhood, I must have done something really, really bad.”

So, a popular notion is our individual sins either stack up or we do something so incredibly bad that God decides to punish us with whatever he dreams up. As if we are puppies. Do good, get a cookie. Pee on the floor and get the crap beat out of us.

We focus on individual sins.

One of the things I love about AA is it never says “alcohol is your problem. Stop drinking. Drinking is dumb. Every time you drink an angel cries. Do you want to make angels cry?”

(As a kid, I heard the saying that every time someone masturbates, God kills a kitten. Not a cat—which is no big deal. A helpless kitten).

No, AA takes you back a bit and makes you think through the larger issue. The deeper problem. The symptoms of that problem.

A better rendering or understanding of the Exodus passage we read may be:

Yahweh—Yahweh is a compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger and rich in faithful love and truth, maintaining faithful love to a thousand [generations], forgiving wrongdoing, rebellion, and sin. But He will not leave [the guilty] unpunished, bringing the consequences of the fathers' wrongdoing on the children and grandchildren to the third and fourth generation.

Few can argue with the consequences of our wrongdoing. Fathers (and mothers) who have horrible habits and toxic choices will see effects in their children that will cause them great internal turmoil and pain.

The Bible doesn’t negate individual transgressions by any means but it always refers to the “things” as the symptoms of something much larger.

It’s not about the “rules.”

And, furthermore, it’s not about keeping rules to somehow gain brownie points.

It’s not about towing the line for an eternal reward—if I just do enough good, it will balance out the bad and the legal ledger will balance out.

It s not just about AFTERlife. It’s about an ALTEREDlife.

Punished "by" our Sin #1

We are in a series entitled, “Sin Monkey” at Westwinds. In a nutshell, we are likening sin to a monkey you bring home as a cute, little, harmless pet that grows and takes on a mind of its own—flinging poo at your kids, wrecking the furniture, and eventually ripping people’s faces off (which, by the way, actually happened as you all know . . . about the third of fourth week of our series).

Kill the monkey. Fix the furniture. The mantra.

Last week, we looked at scripture and discussed how we are punished “by” our sin as opposed to being punished “for” it. A few of you asked for some notes so the next series of posts will be bits from that message.

We’ve been watching American Idol. I try not to get sucked in but I do. Every time. This season, there is a very talented young man named Scott MacIntyre. Scott is blind. He’s got a great sense of humor—such as the time Ryan Seacrest went to high-five him and wondered why he didn’t return the favor—he laughs that stuff off. Scott probably won’t go all the way. There are more talented, or at least more popular kids on the show this season.

Now, how weird would it be if Ryan Seacrest put a mic in this guys face and asked him what he “did” to deserve the punishment of blindness. Not only would it be rude, it doesn’t feel right. Something says—that’s not how it happens.

But, that situation and that logic is sometimes how we view sin and the penalty for sin. We somehow think that’s how it works. We do something bad and God brings the pain.

As a matter of fact, in John, chapter 9, we meet a blind man who is much like Scott. Normal, everyday guy. Just blind. Blind from birth. Jesus and the disciples are walking along and one of them asks, “Rabbi, who sinned? This guy or his parents? Because, he was born blind” (ummm, first off, he’s blind, not deaf. He can hear you).

The disciples are curious. It’s a riddle to be solved. They are really just looking for the gossip. They are not motivated by compassion.

Jesus, however, is. He heals him and turns his blindness in to something good. People now have another opportunity to see the healer in action.

Even after the man is dragged in front of the people who hate Jesus and questioned. They cast him out and label him a man who was “steeped in sin at birth.”

The disciples and Jesus accusers demonstrated a basic biblical misunderstanding that still demonstrates itself in contemporary religion. It shows up in early rabbinical writings and may go back to a misunderstanding originating with Moses.

Exodus 34:4-7

4 So Moses chiseled out two stone tablets like the first ones and went up Mount Sinai early in the morning, as the LORD had commanded him; and he carried the two stone tablets in his hands. 5 Then the LORD came down in the cloud and stood there with him and proclaimed his name, the LORD. 6 And he passed in front of Moses, proclaiming, "The LORD, the LORD, the compassionate and gracious God, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, 7 maintaining love to thousands, and forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin. Yet he does not leave the guilty unpunished; he punishes the children and their children for the sin of the fathers to the third and fourth generation."

Their belief was that this meant God was somehow vengeful, mean, we owe him big time, he’s gonna get what’s due him, etc. If that is true, what do we do with the whole setup to this verse that describes God as compassionate, gracious, slow to anger, abounding in love and faithfulness, maintaining love to thousands, forgiving wickedness, rebellion and sin?

We'll come back to this passage in a later post.

The bible takes a different approach to sin than many folks—even Christians who say they are in the know. We might ask how that could be, since our thoughts on sin come from . . . the Bible . . .

Cyber-Confessionals

Today was a great day at The Winds.

We opened up with The Who’s “Join Together” which, I must say, is a great call to worship. We also covered Eddie Vedder’s “Rise Up” from the “Into the Wild” soundtrack. Great tune. Vocal and mandolin. Period.

We are in the middle of this series entitled, “Sin Monkey.” The idea is that sin is like a little pet monkey you buy and bring home. He’s cute and cuddly and a joy at first but, as he grows, and you begin to lose “control” of him, he thrashes your furniture, claws up your family, pees on everything, and flings poo at your kids. Pretty soon, none of your friends wants anything to do with you because of your little pet.

We showed this video today (below) which is spooky macabre, and looks like something Tim Burton might produce. The video is a good picture of the effects of sin that is enjoyable for a season but has long lasting damaging effects. The music is creepy cool—it’s the song that plays in my head when my daughter’s porcelain dolls run around the house in the middle of the night.



Today’s highlight for me was the first-time use of our cyber-confessionals. Five booths were built in back of the auditorium space where “confessors” could go behind a curtain and confess sin anonymously to anonymous “confessees” on the other end of a terminal. We used Yahoo! Messenger and set up profiles for confessor1,2,3,4,5 and linked them to confessee 1,2,3,4,5 respectively. So, when a confessor went in to a booth and started typing, their confessee was ready to listen and pray with them. The confessees were from Michigan, California, Tennessee, and other states. We will have the booths up for a few more weeks.

Stay tuned for more interactive worship confession ideas. This series is full of them. We have some creative and meaningful things planned that I can't wait to share with you!

Dave is a Big Fat Jerk

Not really. I love him more than life.

BUT . . .

While filming this promo for our new series, "Sin Monkey" I told him I thought it would be funny for me to sneak into the shot with a Darth Vader mask on. He agreed.

Then, he punched me.

I didn't know it was coming.

This is not camera trickery or Hollywood magic. We don't have the budget or the time.

This is Dave punching me in the face.

The molded plastic on the inside of the Dark Sith Lord's mask pounded my cheek bone leaving me bruised for a few days. He apologized--Dave, that is, not Vader. Just like that time he hit me in the groin for fun. And then apologized--after the doctor appointment.

All in all, the sin monkey is a great metaphor and this video is a great metaphor for the sin monkey. Any connection between sin monkeys and David McDonald are entirely your own conclusion and not my words.

Love you, Dave. Thanks for allowing me to take one for the team and demonstrate the love of Jesus as I forgive you publicly.

Jerk.

Wearing the Crime

I talk to a lot of people who are looking for simple worship interactives for their congregations that don’t require a lot of setup or moving around the room because of space constraints and/or room configuration.

Here is an easy idea we did on Good Friday with a cool story thrown in at no extra charge.

I first made a list of “crimes” we are all guilty of to one degree or another. All the crimes were phrased in the first person. For example—to name a few : : :

I hold grudges
I am a liar
I don’t listen to people
I hurt others
I have done a disservice to my family
I am a fake
I am verbally abusive
I am divisive
I hold on to the past

We then printed the crimes on individual stickers and handed them out at the door as people came in. The ushers instructed everyone to hold on to them until they heard what to do.

Once everyone was seated, I explained we all are guilty of any number of crimes against God and others and though the sticker you are holding on to may not be “your” crime, it may be the person’s next to you. Or, you may be denying it. Or, maybe others see it in you but you don’t.

Regardless, we have all witnessed each and every one of those crimes in others and we could probably pick from a handful of other stickers and claim them as our own. We may even be guilty of pushing others to commit the crimes they are guilty of. Acknowledging all of these truths, we peeled the stickers and stuck them to our chests.

During communion, we discussed Jesus’ words on the cross, “It is finished.” At the communion table was a pile of larger stickers that had those three words on them. As we prayed and took communion, we all had the opportunity to take those new stickers and cover our crimes with the words Jesus spoke.

Simple, yet effective—especially in light of everything else that tied in to the evening.

My favorite part however happened on Easter Sunday when I met a woman who was at Westwinds for the second time—her first time being Good Friday.

She explained to me that her and her ex-husband are trying to reconcile with one another. As part of their plan to get back on track, they decided to start attending church together. They both came to Westwinds on Good Friday and were handed the stickers at the door.

They looked at their individual stickers they had been randomly handed and began crying. The crimes they held in their hands were the very monumental things that they recognized destroyed their marriage.

They cried through the whole Good Friday Fusion as they wore their crimes on their chests.

At communion time, they went to the table together and grabbed the “It is Finished” sticker and placed the stickers on one another.

They took the stickers home and hung them on the wall in their home.

I started crying when I heard this story and then I had to jump up and lead worship. One of the best interactive worship special moments I have ever heard.

This is why it is important to try new things in our worship programs, to stir it up, to give people opportunity to interact with one another and God, to engage people, to challenge, to be hands on, to stretch, and then to share these wonderful stories.

What are some of the new things your church is trying in worship services?

This post is also part of Creative Chaos over at Ragamuffin Soul. Check it out!

Atonement Talk and Twitter

In May we will be doing a six-week series at Westwinds where we discuss various theories of atonement. This may be one of the more “heady” series we have approached in a while but at the same time, perhaps one of the most practical and freeing.

When we (the Christian church) talk about Jesus and tell the story of the cross—whether we are at youth camps, retreats, playing a concert, Sunday morning service, or across the kitchen table—there are certain “words” and metaphors we have all become accustomed to when it comes to atonement and what Jesus has “done for us.” Is it about substitution? Payment for a debt? Satisfaction? Ransom? Covenant?

Probably most Christians answer a hearty yes to all of the above.

A book that has been very helpful and encouraging to me in recent days is “A Community Called Atonement” by Scot McKnight. I highly recommend it.

In the prologue of his book, McKnight tells a helpful story about golf wherein a friend asks him what his favorite golf club is. His reply is “when I am at 150 yards, I like to ‘knock down’ my 7-iron. When I am at 200 yards and there is no wind, I like my 3-iron. When I’m on the tee box, if the fairway is open, I like my driver. On the green, I like my putter. When I’m in the bunker and a green, I like my sand wedge. When I’m at 80 yards and in the fairway, I like my lob wedge. “

The point of McKnight’s story is that all the clubs are useful at some point, they are all valid, they are all designed for certain situations, and none can or should ever be completely ignored in the grand scheme of things. We need to “understand the value” of each club.

In my opinion, one of the huge dangers the Christian church has mired in over the years is the inability to reconcile atonement theories with one another or have a workable understanding of how to present “the gospel” in light of all scripture teaches about the work of the Jesus and the redemptive work of God. This often causes division, fights, and confusion. Some become very “religious” about their understanding of redemption and the work(s) of Jesus. And, in some cases, the story is dumbed down to a few hoops a person has to jump through to be reconciled to God. All the while, there is seldom thought given to the way God has shaped each individual and the idea that each individual is part of a story.

I think there is an entry point into unlocking everyone’s redemption story and the entry point is not always the same.

How do you talk about Jesus to the man or woman who believes they are okay with God because the concept of “sin” doesn’t jive with them? Well, you certainly don’t start with talk about the debt they owe. This doesn’t mean that sin is a non-issue, it just means it is not the entry point.

How do you talk about Jesus to the man or woman—like many of my friends—who grew up in a good home, two kids and a dog and cat, parents had great jobs, never wanted for anything, good student, never gets in trouble, a bright future in a good company, big house, good neighborhood, great group of friends and community, etc.? Do you start with the new covenant and Jesus’ ability to restore community and people? Probably not.

To my grandparents, Jesus was the Victor. The man who led their battle. The one who slays the enemy and keeps him at bay. To my parents, Jesus is the one who washed them white as snow. Cleansing them of all their impurities. To my new friend at church who was first introduced to Jesus in prison, Jesus is the one who makes everything right, the one who is his judge, the one who paid the penalty, the one who did the time without the crime. All of them are right. Jesus is all of those things. And more.

I can’t wait to dive in.

For this series, Westwinds has set up a new Twitter identity that I am managing. We are encouraging people to bring their laptops and/or cell phones to church throughout the series so we can have ongoing discussion on-screen, in interactive moments, and throughout the week. If you would like to eavesdrop on the conversation and/or join in, please follow us here on Twitter. We will be up and running in a few weeks and I will keep you updated. If you don’t yet have a Twitter account—what are you waiting for? Go to Twitter and get set up!

You are welcome to watch the live stream of Fusion and interact during the series as well by going to this link.