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Friday, April 18, 2008

40 Quirks for 40 Years


I have a few quirky things about me. Those who know me and love me aren’t bothered by them—though they make fun of me at times for some of them. We all have them, but some of mine probably require therapy of some kind.

Before you label me obsessive compulsive or give me any kind of illness read my list and take a look in the mirror.

I am turning 40 on Sunday. So, I thought I would put some kind of a Top 40 list together. I had a lot of options because I love lists. I may do some other Top 40 lists this year but, for starters . . .

Here are 40 of my “quirks”—my peculiar habits, pet peeves, prejudices, and what have you.

1. I hate the phrase “what have you.” As well as “if you will.”

2. If I walk outside in bare feet I must wash them after.

3. I wash my face every time I use the restroom. I am addicted to the feeling of cold water on my face. It’s not a germ thing. It’s an experience thing.

4. If I ever loan you a good paintbrush, just keep it. I don’t want it back. It will never be as clean as I want it when you return it. It is my gift to you.

5. My CD’s are alphabetized by band name or last name of solo artist.

6. If a CD is left out of the case, I freak. Freak.

7. When I put a CD back in the case, I put it in with the title at top. Straight.

8. Same as above with DVD’s (arranged by Title except for collections i.e. Johnny Depp)

9. Shirts in closet arranged by type and color.

10. Can handle only limited amounts of symmetry.

11. I hate plastic utensils and get a little freaked out if someone serves me a meal with them.

12. Paper and wax plates freak me out as well. I will use them if I have to but NEVER if they have gone in the microwave. Don’t ask why.

13. I cannot drink out of plastic cups unless I am drinking a soda from a fountain.

14. I need a shower every day at the beginning of the day before I go anywhere. The only exception is when I am camping in some remote area where there is no water and I will find water. Oh, I will find it.

15. I don’t loan music or books. Unless you are a great friend. Too special to me. Buy your own. If you are starving and can’t buy your own music or books, I will buy you a meal. But, you are not borrowing my music or books.

16. If there is a bee in the room I will go ballistic. I will run out of the house like a little girl. Period. Bees are the devil.

17. I am completely intolerant of dumb people. People who say and do dumb things. You know who I am talking about. People who ask really dumb lack-of-street-sense things.

18. When pastors reference the Book of RevelationS I can’t handle it. Revelation. Tion. No S. One Revelation.

19. I want to punch people in the neck whenever they refer to Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Steely Dan, or Think LIzzy as a “him.”

20. I will not share a drink with anyone. Not even my wife. I will French kiss her all day long but I will not share a drink with her. I will not French kiss you all day long however.

21. I drink wine out of the correct glass. Period. No water glass for wine. No “cup” for wine. No Yahtzee cup for wine.

22. There is a correct orientation for a meal when it is set in front of you at a restaurant. I may have to turn the plate around when the server sets it down. If I am having an enchilada with rice and beans, the rice and beans go on the right. Everyone knows this. It is universal. Do not set my plate down with the beans and rice on the left of the enchilada. Thank you.

23. Glass dolls scare me. They are evil and a result of The Fall.

24. Never say “I seen that” or we will never be friends. I “saw” that. OR “I’ve seen that” are correct. “I have seen that” works just as well.

25. If I make a list for the grocery store or any other list, do not add something to my list. Even if it is good. The problem is, I can’t mix your handwriting with mine. It’s like you inviting yourself into a collaborative workspace I never invited you to. Don’t make me write the list again. This is the same for leaning over and drawing a picture in my notebook or moleskine.

26. Beer is not made for cans. Bottles. If you offer me a beer and end up handing me a can, I will drink it so as not to offend you. But, that’s just not the way to treat friends.

27. If I tap out a tune, I cannot stop in the middle of a measure or phrase, etc. I must tap it out to the nearest resolve.

28. I cannot allow the TV to be set at a volume that is an odd number. Don’t let me see you stop the volume on 63 when 64 is right next to it.

29. It is Espresso people. ESPRESSO. Not EXpresso. How long has this stuff been around now? You should know better.

30. I cannot eat a garden salad when someone has mixed in the dressing. I do my own dressing.

31. Having been a painter for so many years and growing up in a painter’s home, I cannot watch anyone paint their home. I especially cannot watch them roll. I can’t watch them use bad brushes. I can’t. I just can’t. I have ended up painting whole houses for people simply because I couldn’t let them do it.

32. I watch movies when they come on TV even if I own the DVD.

33. I don’t like people shouting for me. Come find me. Don’t yell from the other room. If you do and I don’t answer, don’t call again. I heard you the first time. I am ignoring you.

34. I don’t like it when people call me “dear.” UNLESS they are from the south and have that cool accent. Then, they can call me honey, dear, sweetie, sugar, or any combination of those.

35. I can bathe in a lake or river when camping no problem. But, I cannot take a bath to get clean. If I bathe, I must take a shower after. I blame this one on my dad and some comments he made when I was a child about washing my face with the same water that . . . you get the picture.

36. I love falling asleep somewhere with a breeze on my face but I cannot sleep with a fan on me at night.

37. I can drink out of a cold soda can with no ice but if that same soda is poured into a glass without ice I cannot drink it. Unless I am in Europe. In Europe they have not heard of how to make ice yet. It hasn’t been invented.

38. The toilet paper unrolls over the TOP of the roll—not from underneath. Hotels know this. That is how they can fold the end in a little triangle for you. The triangle is the hotel’s nice way of telling you that is the correct way. By the way, you can make the triangle at home. I do. Ask my wife.

39. I cannot sleep with my hand over the side of the bed. It will not happen. I blame this on Creature Features—the 70’s TV show.

40. I am afraid of the dark when I am alone. If someone is with me it is a piece of cake. If I am alone in the house, I sleep with every light on. You think I’m joking, don’t you?

Do you have a list? Even a short list? Share some of your craziness with me and the rest of the world! Leave a comment.

10 comments:

kimbontrager said...

I'm laughing. Out loud. Still. Because of course I'd have a list, too, and about 12 items would be the same.

You're such a great role model for all of us who are much much much younger than you.

(born December 1968)

much younger.

Mark Jaffrey said...

JVo you are on a serious blog kick right now - you posted once a month for about a year and in the last two months you've just gone bananas. I love it.

I've got three years to go before I hit the same landmark, but I just want to say I really appreciate an American standing up for good manners and good grammar. Keep it up man, it's not obsessive, it's correct.

Tim M said...

gogo gadget neck punch

Jeff M. Miller said...

cool list

funny thing is that, if I had to guess I would have thought you were younger than me

supersimbo said...

29, that kills me! I was a barista for a while and this happened:

me: hey what can i get you?
bozo: can i have a double expresso please?
me: ahhh sorry we have espresso but i am all out of expresso!
bozo: what?
me: sorry you said expresso?
bozo: yea, a double please
me: sigh!!

ScottyH said...

Considering #15, wow man, do I feel honored.
Thank you for loaning me your Joel Hanson cd.
But then as it comes to my collection? Oh yeah brother, same way, ditto - totally, all the way. Categorized, labels "up", loaning??? ehh, errr, mmmmm. You're asking me to give away one of my babies - hard to do, when you cannot ever be sure if you will see them again and if so, in what condition.
So maybe you instinctually knew a kindred spirit, or just threw fate to the wind.
Even so, I feel privileged!

fertilesoul said...

Laughed out loud at points 4, 15, 16, 20, 22, 23, 29, 31, 32, 33, 34, 37, and 39.

On 18: How about this one? “Psalms 8”... Uh, Psalm 8?

On 25: I love Moleskine notebooks!

On 29: Preach it brother! Preach it! ...a good friend of mine used to say “expresso” all the time, until he worked as a barista for a while... Now he says it right and can make great coffee! :o)

On 31: You're welcome to come visit my home anytime... :o) A friend who painted professionally did come help me with one room I was redoing... That was great.

On 38: That's right; gotta be from the top. My sister-in-law doesn't understand this. LOL.

fertilesoul said...

Oh, I forgot to mention/confess that sometimes I step on all the cracks when I'm on a tiled or similarly lined surface. Gotta step on the same spot on all of them...

And happy birthday! You've got me by about a decade... :o)

...and you should make it so that I can use a link to my real blog... instead of having to use a google/blogger/wordpress/openid link... :o)

createdtopraise said...

Darlin', I'm inviting you over when I paint my house.

And I'm from the Deep South, so I can call you "darlin" ;)

Mark said...

Great list - thanks for sharing. You have great perception and humility. Please come to www.turning40.net and see how others are experiencing this life milestone.

I'd love to re-print your post for my readers. I'll provide credit and a link. Let me know.

Best,

Mark