There is no Such Thing as Balance. Only Seasons.

I can’t tell you how many times I have heard “God first. Family second. Work third” as the celebrated framework for responsibility.

Wives use it against their husbands. Husbands use it against their wives. Children us it against their parents. Employees (especially in churches) use it against their bosses. People use it to berate themselves.

I get it. It’s designed as a barometer.

But it isn’t biblical.

It is often a weapon against others.

It is often a rebuke.

It often causes guilt.

But it’s only a neat notion and bumper sticker wisdom.

It isn’t necessarily “evil.” But, it is wrong. And potentially damaging.

I have had a few counseling meetings lately where the idea of priorities and responsibility have come up. Everyone I have counseled—EVERY one—has said something about this little triad of God, Family, and Work.

The other word that gets thrown around a lot is “balance.”

For instance . . .

In Susie Housewife’s mind, Bob the Builder has worked too many hours at work. The job has kept him away. Out of town. He missed a baseball game. This quickly disintegrates into “he doesn’t care, his priorities are wrong, he loves his job more than the family and he is out of “balance.” Susie’s remedy is re-prioritizing. God. Family. Work. Susie looks forward to living a normal life. A balanced life.

Or . . .

Ken and Barbie both have jobs and work hard. Barbie is a designer and she has been super busy this summer. Ken has had to watch the kids multiple nights in a row. He is mad at Barbie. She never watches their favorite show with him anymore. It’s been 3 months. Plus, she worked on the Vacation Bible School at church and that demanded attention. Ken thinks she needs to re-prioritize. She is out of balance. He wants his wife back. After all . . .” God. Family. Then work.”

There are 100 stories. You probably know a few.

Listen . . . there is no such thing as balance. It is a lie. Don’t buy it.

There is no balance. Just seasons.

If you want to do something spectacular and wise for your kids, talk as a family about seasons.

Sometimes, responsibilities will require mom and dad to work extremely hard. Sometimes, this work will cause them to be distracted for a bit. Sometimes they won’t be around right at 5:30.

Sometimes, emergencies happen. Beyond our control. And they need to be attended to. And it may mean we miss a game.

Sometimes, because we love people and care about them, there may be someone who needs our help really badly. We didn’t plan on it, it just happened that way. And it might be best for us to attend to that need. And it may cause us to postpone a promise.

Sometimes, mom and dad will dream something big to heal the world. They will make a choice to follow that dream. They have an idea to invest in the community or go on a mission trip or do something that helps others. They don’t “have” to. They want to. And, following that dream will cost. Something will have to give.

Sometimes, you will have a desire to go back to school, start a side job, take up a hobby, join a club, etc. If you decide to do it, someone will have to take up the slack.

Instead of God first, family second, and work third, let’s have a new barometer:

“God in everything. Through every season.”

Sometimes, you will need to tell your family that there are things that are demanding your attention. Explain why. Bring them in on the conversation. Pray together.

Sometimes, you will need to talk with your spouse and explain the dream in your head. Invite them to dream with you. Be honest. Explain that you know what it will cost them.

And this is important: talk about what it looks like on the other side. Most stress about seasons comes from not talking about it ahead of time, giving no warning, not sharing your intentions, not sharing the stress together and not talking about an escape plan. Or vacation. Or what rest looks like when it all dies down.

Sometimes, you will have to fight to spend time with your family. You will need to tell your boss, “Enough is enough.” Do so with grace and respect and with a reliance on the Holy Spirit and wisdom of close friends.

You WILL be out of balance.

Seasons. Understand them. Talk about them. Talk through them. Work through them together.

This is not a post in support of Workaholism. Not even close. If you think you have a problem, talk to someone. Stop the madness. A couple of years ago I blogged about Workaholism. If you are interested in reading that go here

Working for the Weekend

We have talked a lot as a staff lately about workaholism, our health, our drive, the quest for perfection, etc. and the need to keep those things in check.

I’ve always been driven. I pray that I will continue to be driven for the sake of the kingdom.

However, I don’t buy the Little House on the Prairie line that “God helps those who help themselves.” Pa Theology never worked for me. Scripture teaches that God helps those who can’t help themselves.

Just because something “can” be done doesn’t mean “we” have to be the ones to do it or that it should be done in the first place. We can’t do it all. We shouldn’t try to do it all. Duh. I’m preaching to the choir right? Well . . . you’d think so.

This year has been a little rough with staff changes and cutbacks. To say the least. We made some bad mistakes in thinking we could do all the things we were doing with half the staff. Truth be told, we even stepped it up in the process. We were dumb. We are paying the price. But, at least God spoke in to us before it was too late and He is giving us perspective.

Don’t get me wrong, we go through seasons. In ministry there WILL be times where we need to work our butts off. It happens. Expect it. Balance is a lie. 90% of the books you have read about priorities and balance in ministry are lying. Real life has seasons. Don’t buy the balance lie. The key is to talk through the seasons and plan a way “out.” Talk about what it looks like on the other side.

I get caught up. I get swallowed. I make horrible decisions. And, I end up doing too much. Partly because I think I’m impervious to burnout. Partly because I am a driver. Partly because I find my identity in it. Yeah, I suck sometimes.

Then, there is a part of me that I know is driven because I love Jesus. I love his church. I love this particular franchise of his church. Yeah, I don’t always suck.

There was this guy named Pliny the Elder who was a Roman naval military commander, an author, and a scholar who is famous for the saying "True glory consists in doing what deserves to be written; in writing what deserves to be read.” Great quote.

However, Pliny was a sad workaholic. The story goes he had his servants bring him food, feed him, and keep his candles lit so he wouldn’t have to stop working.

Sad thing is, if Pliny worked in the church he would most likely be applauded. He would do a lot, accomplish a lot, work himself to the bone, and few people would notice he was slowly killing himself because—we applaud hard workers.

Workaholism is the easiest sin to go unnoticed because few recognize it as sin. Rather, they pat you on the back for being “dedicated” and going the “extra mile.”

I love Scot McKnight’s discussion of sin in his book, “A Community Called Atonement.” Sin is defined as “distortion.” Workaholism is one of those things that distorts everything around it but no one ever notices the distortion until it is too late. Then comes the counseling.

Here are some questions that I have to revisit all the time. Maybe they will help you.

1. Is this still a priority or do I just want to carry it over so I can eventually cross it off my list?

2. Have circumstances changed recently that should cause me to reevaluate this goal, pass it on to someone else, or cross it off altogether?

3. Is this realistic in light of my current responsibilities? If I take it on, can I do it with excellence (notice I didn’t say perfection)?

4. If I ran this goal past my wife or my accountability people first, would they have some things to say about it?

5. Will I have to give up something in order to achieve this goal?

6. Could there be a “bigger yes” that should cause me to say “no” to this at this time?

7. Will this goal rob me of my time or money to be generous to others?

8. Have I tried this before and failed? What has changed to make me want to attempt it again?

9. Will anyone be disappointed in me for adding this goal to the list?

10. If God took a big red pen to my to-do list and dream sheet, what comments would He make in the margins?

P.S. I am going on vacation. Tomorrow. Three weeks. If I don’t answer your email or calls it is not because I don’t care. It is because I don’t care for the next three weeks. Ha. My family thanks you as well. Momma, kids, let’s fly . . .