Wine and Dine

Last night Tahni threw me one of the best parties ever. For my 40th celebration, we invited a few of our closest friends to Lantern Waste for a blind wine tasting in the basement—or, man-cave as we sometimes call it.

The food was incredible. My wife rules. Seriously. Homemade chocolate truffles, Swiss loaf, fresh French baguette with olive oil and balsamic vinegar, apricot Brie bake, chocolate fudge cake . . .

Everyone brought a bottle of wine valued at $15.00 minimum with no limit on the high end. We bagged the bottles in brown paper bags with numbers on them. After a short and eloquent explanation of how to “rate” a wine by my hot sexy cougar wife, we tasted the wines rating them by color, nose, finish, body, balance, and taste.

At the end of the evening, after everyone made his or her own notes, we did the big reveal. My number one pick and the wine I must have again is . . .

Drum roll please . . .

Schild Estate Long Flat Barossa Shiraz 2004 Australia, Schild Estate Average retail price $24.99

After falling in love with this wine, I did some research and found it has a great customer rating across the board, usually scoring somewhere in the high 90’s.

The color is very dark and purple with a hint of vanilla, plum, cherry, and spices. It is incredibly smooth and reminded me of liquid candy without being overbearingly sweet. Great balance. Long finish.

My wife took great pictures and posted some more info at her blog. Check it out!

40 Pieces of Advice in 40 Years

The following Top 40 list is an actual list of advice I have been given and/or developed over my 40 years that has served me well.

1. All women are crazy. You need to decide which brand of crazy you are willing to live with.

2. If under contract with someone for a job be nice but not too nice. After you get the money you can be real nice.

3. Making love starts in the morning.

4. Calories don’t count on special days. Live a little.

5. Ministry as a profession should have a comparable salary to those in higher education or administration. Never compare salaries with other churches when determining what to pay your ministry employees unless you are okay with highly underpaying them.

6. You will never save “enough” money by canceling cable. Find the money elsewhere. Keep the cable.

7. Get it in writing.

8. Everyone must eat one bowl of $#!+ a day. Swallow it down and quit complaining.

9. Overcome, adapt, and survive.

10. If you want to know how much time you have left with your kids, count the summers before they go to college.

11. Never loan anything out if you really want it back. Consider all loans a gift.

12. “Fair” (fare) is something you pay to get on the bus. Life is not fair.

13. Never go to bed angry. Ever.

14. “It” will come back to haunt you. It really will.

15. That girl you are starring at if someone’s daughter.

16. If your gut says, “maybe I shouldn’t say this” . . . don’t say it.

17. Sarcasm comes from the same word that means, “to tear the flesh.” It is the easiest and most damaging defense mechanism to use.

18. Don’t yell. Don’t yell back.

19. If someone says something about your family in public—all rules are off. Defend your family.

20. Never tell your kids to do something because of “your” reputation. Never impose rules because of who “you” are. They have their own identity.

21. 25% of what you know is wrong. You don’t know which 25% though.

22. Buy hardcover books. They “feel” better and will make your experience that much nicer.

23. The fine folks at Kraft picked ¼ cup milk and ¼ cup butter for a reason. Do not mess with the Macaroni and Cheese magic. The directions matter.

24. Spend big money on vacations. Consider it marriage insurance.

25. Buy good shoes and clothes. This requires going to “shops” –not department stores.

26. Tell your wife she is beautiful every day. #1 because she is. #2 because she probably doesn’t feel like she is. #3 because the world tells her she isn’t beautiful “enough” #4 because your kids hear it and will do the same for their spouse #5 because she will still wonder if you think she is even when you say it every day so . . . tell her. Do the same for your daughter. You can't guarantee her husband will do the same one day and maybe you r influence will win out.

27. Look nice every day. Even when at home.

28. Pay to stay in the nicer hotel. Save in advance so you can do this.

29. Tip big. The server needs it and you might come back some day.

30. Buy good paintbrushes for your home—preferably “Purdy.”

31. Make friends with the unlovely.

32. Buy term life insurance—10-12 times your annual salary. Do not buy any “cash value” life insurance policies (whole life, universal life).

33. While traveling abroad, eat what the locals eat.

34. Own a good computer. Sure, they all have a shelf life but you may as well fall in love with yours for the 3 or 4 years you have it.

35. Ask your grandparents and your parents to tell you stories. Get them on tape. Before you know it, they will be gone. The stories can live on however, if they tell them. Ask them about growing up. Funny things they remember. If they had it all to do again . . .

36. Go to NYC. Do all the tourist stuff. Then, go back again but this time . . . Buy flowers on the street. And a hot dog. Walk through Central Park. Drink coffee at a little hole-in-the-wall shop. Buy fresh bread at a bakery. Walk everywhere and forget taxis. Wear a pedometer. Drink at a pub in The Village. This will be the NYC you remember.

37. Buy a real piece of art. Not a print in some super store. A nice original painting. Spend good money. The artist needs the money and we need the arts.

38. Never use the word "punish" with your kids. Talk in terms of consequences and discipline but never punishment. Punishment says "take that!" Consequences and fall-out lessons will serve them well.

39. Call your parents. One day your kids will be gone and you will want them to call you. Let them grow up seeing how you did it.

40. Find something you love to do and then find a way to get paid for it.

40 Quirks for 40 Years

I have a few quirky things about me. Those who know me and love me aren’t bothered by them—though they make fun of me at times for some of them. We all have them, but some of mine probably require therapy of some kind.

Before you label me obsessive compulsive or give me any kind of illness read my list and take a look in the mirror.

I am turning 40 on Sunday. So, I thought I would put some kind of a Top 40 list together. I had a lot of options because I love lists. I may do some other Top 40 lists this year but, for starters . . .

Here are 40 of my “quirks”—my peculiar habits, pet peeves, prejudices, and what have you.

1. I hate the phrase “what have you.” As well as “if you will.”

2. If I walk outside in bare feet I must wash them after.

3. I wash my face every time I use the restroom. I am addicted to the feeling of cold water on my face. It’s not a germ thing. It’s an experience thing.

4. If I ever loan you a good paintbrush, just keep it. I don’t want it back. It will never be as clean as I want it when you return it. It is my gift to you.

5. My CD’s are alphabetized by band name or last name of solo artist.

6. If a CD is left out of the case, I freak. Freak.

7. When I put a CD back in the case, I put it in with the title at top. Straight.

8. Same as above with DVD’s (arranged by Title except for collections i.e. Johnny Depp)

9. Shirts in closet arranged by type and color.

10. Can handle only limited amounts of symmetry.

11. I hate plastic utensils and get a little freaked out if someone serves me a meal with them.

12. Paper and wax plates freak me out as well. I will use them if I have to but NEVER if they have gone in the microwave. Don’t ask why.

13. I cannot drink out of plastic cups unless I am drinking a soda from a fountain.

14. I need a shower every day at the beginning of the day before I go anywhere. The only exception is when I am camping in some remote area where there is no water and I will find water. Oh, I will find it.

15. I don’t loan music or books. Unless you are a great friend. Too special to me. Buy your own. If you are starving and can’t buy your own music or books, I will buy you a meal. But, you are not borrowing my music or books.

16. If there is a bee in the room I will go ballistic. I will run out of the house like a little girl. Period. Bees are the devil.

17. I am completely intolerant of dumb people. People who say and do dumb things. You know who I am talking about. People who ask really dumb lack-of-street-sense things.

18. When pastors reference the Book of RevelationS I can’t handle it. Revelation. Tion. No S. One Revelation.

19. I want to punch people in the neck whenever they refer to Pink Floyd, Led Zeppelin, Steely Dan, or Think LIzzy as a “him.”

20. I will not share a drink with anyone. Not even my wife. I will French kiss her all day long but I will not share a drink with her. I will not French kiss you all day long however.

21. I drink wine out of the correct glass. Period. No water glass for wine. No “cup” for wine. No Yahtzee cup for wine.

22. There is a correct orientation for a meal when it is set in front of you at a restaurant. I may have to turn the plate around when the server sets it down. If I am having an enchilada with rice and beans, the rice and beans go on the right. Everyone knows this. It is universal. Do not set my plate down with the beans and rice on the left of the enchilada. Thank you.

23. Glass dolls scare me. They are evil and a result of The Fall.

24. Never say “I seen that” or we will never be friends. I “saw” that. OR “I’ve seen that” are correct. “I have seen that” works just as well.

25. If I make a list for the grocery store or any other list, do not add something to my list. Even if it is good. The problem is, I can’t mix your handwriting with mine. It’s like you inviting yourself into a collaborative workspace I never invited you to. Don’t make me write the list again. This is the same for leaning over and drawing a picture in my notebook or moleskine.

26. Beer is not made for cans. Bottles. If you offer me a beer and end up handing me a can, I will drink it so as not to offend you. But, that’s just not the way to treat friends.

27. If I tap out a tune, I cannot stop in the middle of a measure or phrase, etc. I must tap it out to the nearest resolve.

28. I cannot allow the TV to be set at a volume that is an odd number. Don’t let me see you stop the volume on 63 when 64 is right next to it.

29. It is Espresso people. ESPRESSO. Not EXpresso. How long has this stuff been around now? You should know better.

30. I cannot eat a garden salad when someone has mixed in the dressing. I do my own dressing.

31. Having been a painter for so many years and growing up in a painter’s home, I cannot watch anyone paint their home. I especially cannot watch them roll. I can’t watch them use bad brushes. I can’t. I just can’t. I have ended up painting whole houses for people simply because I couldn’t let them do it.

32. I watch movies when they come on TV even if I own the DVD.

33. I don’t like people shouting for me. Come find me. Don’t yell from the other room. If you do and I don’t answer, don’t call again. I heard you the first time. I am ignoring you.

34. I don’t like it when people call me “dear.” UNLESS they are from the south and have that cool accent. Then, they can call me honey, dear, sweetie, sugar, or any combination of those.

35. I can bathe in a lake or river when camping no problem. But, I cannot take a bath to get clean. If I bathe, I must take a shower after. I blame this one on my dad and some comments he made when I was a child about washing my face with the same water that . . . you get the picture.

36. I love falling asleep somewhere with a breeze on my face but I cannot sleep with a fan on me at night.

37. I can drink out of a cold soda can with no ice but if that same soda is poured into a glass without ice I cannot drink it. Unless I am in Europe. In Europe they have not heard of how to make ice yet. It hasn’t been invented.

38. The toilet paper unrolls over the TOP of the roll—not from underneath. Hotels know this. That is how they can fold the end in a little triangle for you. The triangle is the hotel’s nice way of telling you that is the correct way. By the way, you can make the triangle at home. I do. Ask my wife.

39. I cannot sleep with my hand over the side of the bed. It will not happen. I blame this on Creature Features—the 70’s TV show.

40. I am afraid of the dark when I am alone. If someone is with me it is a piece of cake. If I am alone in the house, I sleep with every light on. You think I’m joking, don’t you?

Do you have a list? Even a short list? Share some of your craziness with me and the rest of the world! Leave a comment.