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Monday, August 25, 2008

Memorable Weddings and Funerals

I officiated a wedding on Saturday. Every time I do a wedding, a rehearsal or a funeral, I walk down memory lane a bit.

Here are some of the strangest and best moments I have ever experienced in the rehearsal-wedding-funeral category. And, when I say best, I mean “most memorable.”

  • The wedding where the bride showed up an hour late. Crying. Walking down the aisle saying, “I’m okay, I can do this. I can do this.”
  • The wedding where the maid of honor shook her head and cried through the whole ceremony while wearing sunglasses to try and hide the fact that she had been crying and her eyes were puffy.
  • The funeral where I was asked to sing and play from another room where they ran a mic and cable because there wasn’t enough room on the stage next to the open casket and flowers.
  • The wedding where I was told by the groom, “just so you know, I am going to show up f#@%!%$ drunk” . . . and he did.
  • The wedding I performed for people who were already married but didn't want anyone to know--including their parents and wedding party--so it was our little secret.
  • The wedding where the musician totally forgot the words to the song he was singing and . . . made them up.
  • The wedding where the ring bearer shouted, “I hate you!” to the lady who was helping him walk down the isle.
  • The funeral where the drunk best friend dropped more f-bombs than the movie Casino.
  • The wedding where the groom forgot the bride’s wedding ring and she said, “you are so fired” in front of everyone. To which he replied, "you didn't tell me to grab it!" To which she replied, "Uhhhhhhhh!" All this at the volume of 9+.
  • The wedding where the dad did not say one word through the entire rehearsal and wedding to anyone--ANYONE--and just nodded when I asked, "who gives this woman to this man?"
  • The wedding where the guy took the girl’s arm as they were walking out and she fought him to try and grab his arm and he finally caught a clue. Oh, wait. That one was my wedding.
  • The wedding where the "good kids" lied to me about sleeping together only to be caught in their lie 6 months later. Hello! I know the gestation period for a healthy human baby!
  • Finally, the one that wins out over all . . . The funeral where the dude got on his knees and proposed to the girl who was crying in front of her dead father’s casket. “Honey, I talked to your dad before he died and asked his blessing. Will you be my wife?” I couldn’t believe it. I watched in horror as he took one knee and presented a ring 3 feet from the body of her father. She looked at him with partial horror, disbelief, pain, and confusion. She said yes. But, it sounded more like a question than an answer.
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