I've Never

Have you ever played the game “I’ve never?” I’ve Never is a game where you try to trip up other people by naming things you have never done that you suspect they have. If you do come up with one of those things, you get a point.

There are quite a few things I have never done that apparently a lot of guys in my same stage of life— that live in my town— do or have done.

Here is the list. I heard all of these things and/or saw all of these things this week. If you have done any of these things, you get a point.

1. I have never worn a “World’s Greatest Dad” shirt especially one with a Simpson’s character on it. Especially the one where Homer is drunk and holding up a beer mug.
2. I have never worn jean shorts, a baseball cap, and a tank top as an “outfit”—especially not without shaving my immense back, neck, and upper arm hair
3. I have never left my Christmas lights up so they are ready for next Christmas
4. I have never used the phrase “git er done” nor will I ever
5. I have never smacked my kids upside the head in public (or private)
6. I have never paid to see any wrestling event
7. I have never referred to Ted Nugent as “Uncle Ted” in any serious capacity
8. I have never walked around town with my hand in a bag of Jerky
9. I have never casually used the “F” bomb multiple times as a sentence enhancer wherein one splices a word and places the bomb in the middle of it making a multi-syllabic word. Example “un-be-f-ing-lievable.” Yep. I heard that word.
10. I have never asked the grocery clerk if he could “throw in a six-pack of beer” because I am purchasing so much alcohol—and then ask him to get the manager