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Monday, February 12, 2007

Point Counterpoint

On the Grammys . . . first off, congrats to Third Day.

My friend Carlos ( blogged about the Grammys the other night. He had some interesting observations and made me laugh but, I would like to provide a counterpoint. The first quips are from Los followed by mine. Love you Los.

Police -
Carlos-@#$!#@$. You make me want to quit. Amazing.

JVo-bummed. You guys are my heroes but you did two big no-no’s. First, don’t take one of the most memorable choruses in rock history and sing it 5 whole steps lower. Second, you had time to do the whole song but chose to skip the second verse and sing “Roxanne blab bla bla ad infinitum. That’s like reading your class, “To Kill a Mockingbird,” stopping halfway through and just mumbling, “Scout, Scout, Scout . . .” for the remainder. Should have gone for "Message in a Bottle" or something you can still hit the notes on. This proves my theory that yoga is bad for you. I still love you though.

Tony Bennet.
Carlos-Best Duo - Grab Stevie’s hand dude!!! He’s blind!!!

JVo-Should have gone to U2 and Mary J. And, Tony, shut up with the “Stevie Wonderful” thing. Like he’s never heard that. You repeated it like you invented it. Not that clever. Plus, next time you thank someone in a speech (if you're still alive) stick with God, your family, and your manager. Target? Shameless. Target says, "the checks in the mail."

DixieChicks -
Carlos-I don’t care if you’re ready to make nice or not. Because you were rockin’ the Tele. Rock ‘On.

JVo- you look great. You sound great. But, that song . . .

Prince -
Carlos- One Word, Chest Hair. OK. Two.
JVo- Best introduction of the night. He should have introduced Mary J.

Beyonce -
Carlos- Two Words - Jennifer Hudson.

JVo- Agreed. I’m tired, Beyonce. Jay-Z is slowin’ you down, girl. Dump him. But, my 15 year old son thinks you’re smoking hot.

Prince -
Carlos- Bad idea to stand behind Mary J.

JVo- Ha.

Justin -
Carlos- PIMP

JVo- PIMPLE. Love you JT but, this album is seriously lacking.

Beyonce -
Carlos- Two Words. Mary J.

JVo- Amen.

John Legend, Corinne Bailey -
Carlos- You need to thank the Lord for John Mayer, he saved you.

JVo- What? Corinne was awesome! You can diss Legend but, not the girl. Go out and buy her album. Everyone. Now.

Shakira -
Carlos- I had to change the channel. No married man could watch that and… well…oh my.
JVo- thank God for TiVo and a fifteen minute late start so I could fast forward this crap. I can't believe you are still around. But, then again, we tolerate that crap like that Daniel Powter song. Which, by the way, that song still sounds like a theme song for some 70's sitcom. Every time I hear that song I think of Bosom Buddies for some reason.

Dixie Chicks -
Carlos- Song of the Year. Wow. Way to say screw you to America with one award.

JVo- If Daniel Powter wrote this song, we would have hit scan every time. This song is riding on Natalie’s infamy and restoration. But, the Chicks look great! Natalie’s hair looks way better this way than blonde. And, the Chicks can kick most country girl’s booty's. Seriously great musicians.

Gnarles Barkley -
Carlos- I want those teeth.

JVo- I want to hit those notes without wearing tight pants. But, why did you feel the need to play "Crazy" so crazy slow. I just about went to sleep. It's not like you couldn't turn the drum machine knob to the right a bit.

Ludacris -
Carlos- Best Rap Album - Keep rockin’ the Dirty South. ATL. That fade is TIGHT!!! Woah!!! Oprah and Bill O’Riley? WTF?

JVo- Loadacrap. Guess I’m getting old.

Mary J. -
Carlos- I think I just rededicated my life. That was the best performance of the night. Beyonce who?

JVo- agreed.

Dixie Chicks -
Carlos- Country Album of the Year - I love it. From Outcasts to Grammy Sweepers.

JVo- speaking of Outcasts . . . where was Outkast this year. That Idlewild album kicks booty. Didn’t even see them in the crowd.

Carrie and Rascall -
Carlos- Carrie, I fast forwarded you. Rascall, who says a front man cant be a chunker? Own it G.

JVo- Carrie, you’re coming in to your own. I support you. Rascall Crap. You ruined the Eagles. The Eagles are geniuses and you dumped all over them. I was mildly offended when you covered, “Life is a Highway” for the Cars soundtrack. This is over the top. It was like the Brady Kids covering Hendricks.

Carrie Underwood -
Carlos- Why does she bore me?

JVo- It’s hard to get over that American Idol image. Give her a few years. She’ll win you over. After she stops pimping Sketchers.

The Grammy’s -
Carlos- What’s up with the history lesson all night?

JVo- They have to somehow justify the show without letting it stand on Shakira’s merits.

Smokey Robinson -
Carlos- Did He Really Just Say “Outside I’m Masturbating?” Please tell me no.

JVo- Botox has been good to you, Smokey. I took a good look at your face.

Lionel Ritchie -
Carlos- Hello? Yea baby.

JVo- Goodbye.

Chris Brown -
Carlos- Dude. It’s been a while since a black guy actually danced better than Timberlake. Well done.

JVo-that’s good.

Christina -
Carlos- You did good. But Mary J still wins.

JVo-Dang. It’s hard to believe Genie in a Bottle was you. You rocked. Brittney just pooped her pants.

Chris Brown -
Carlos- You just did James Brown PROUD. No words. Just danced.
JVo- that was spectacular. A statement.

James Blunt -
Carlos- G C Em D. Work it. A good song can sit on it’s own.

JVo- I could see the twinkle in your eye as you almost dropped the F-bomb for the censors. You went for the PG version. Good for you. That showed class.

Justin’s new girly singer -
Carlos- Rigged.
JVo- 10 bucks says this girl gets on a Disney show.

Dixie Chicks -
Carlos- Record of the Year - One…Two…Three…”Screw You Country Radio Stations!!!”

JVo- Fine. We get it. You are still giving the finger. The song still sucks.

Chili Peppers -
Carlos- Same Old Junk. ZZZZzzzzz –
JVo- Loved it. Standing the test of time. Frusciante sold out and cut his hair though. A little disappointing. Does anybody else always think it’s Will Ferrell on the drums?

Al Gore -
Carlos- SHUT UP!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

JVo- Al Bore. I can’t get over that “I invented the internet” crap no matter how many movies you make about the environment. Just because you have a good research assistant doesn’t make you intelligent.

Dixie Chicks -
Carlos- 5 of 5. Count’Em
JVo- I’m not sure what to think about all this.